I spent the last week with my husband, doing a bit of travelling. Our trip took us to Georgia for a wedding…to Tennessee (or North Carolina, I can’t remember) for a 20 mile day hike on the Appalachian Trail…up to Gettysburg, for a few days of history, and a few days of a conference, intertwined.
It took me approximately three days of our eight days away to actually relax. I spent the first few nights having difficulties sleeping and feeling quite anxious. I dreamt about work. I was angry that I was dreaming about work. I was making myself ill. Finally, after feeling angry at the world for the first five miles of our 20 mile hike on Monday, I had come to some sense of surrender and clarity.
A sigh of relief. The picture was finally clear, as if I’d just put a new pair of glasses on for the first time, having lived with 20/400 vision all along. I needed to quit my job before my body quit me. I was exhausted and fraught with worry. I was returning a missed call on my cell phone, to my office, in the midst of swarming, biting bugs when my epiphany occurred–“I can’t talk with you anymore. Whatever it is, it will wait. I can’t solve your problems!! I’M ON VACATION RIGHT NOW!!!!!”
Not the exact words, but you get the picture.
I’m not running in to tender my resignation tomorrow. But I have met with resignation on what I must do. Actively searching for new work and perhaps pursuing some things I have long put off, fearing failure and economic insecurity. But it is time. And there is a sense of relief in realizing that my only failure will be not pursuing different work, whatever that might mean. I am giving myself the next twelve months to bring this to some sort of resolution, but have already set some of the necessary wheels in motion by making some contacts I have long put off.
When I posted this, I thought I would write about the sunset photos I was blessed enough to take while at the Gettysburg battlefields. As it turns out, I am writing a post about the beginning of a sunset on my very own battlefield.
Thanks for joining me. I’ll keep you posted on my progress.